Who do you think you are?

Why do i have this undeniable urge to hate myself? Where is it coming from? Nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing to fear. The possibility of excitement waits around  every corner, and yet... these feelings remain. Everything is a temporary high, I always need more. There's nowhere to go, and I can't look back. Not now, when everything in front of me seems so easy and effortless. But what if that's the problem though? My past has always been a closet full of the nightmares of my being. with nowhere else to put them, are they breaking free of their prison to torment me once again? Is it possible that I can no longer keep my misdoings in my dreams? I can endure the nightmares and still thrive, but if they continue to dilute my day to day activities I fear I may not be able to keep these feelings bottled up. When my feelings fully surface, its never been beneficial to anyone. I know that its imperative to keep them locked away, but I think the problem is that this is building up. Eventually my subconscious will overload, and the lock on all that I have worked so hard to contain will be unleashed. doing damage to anything within a considerable radius. I need to find a way to stop this before that happens. Before I hurt someone I love

Questions

Is it there?
-maybe, only one way to find out
Should you go for it?
-I want to
is it worth the risk?
-Sure hope so
Well what would you say?
-The truth
...Is that going to be enough...